1,563 Readings

I Want to Be Your Best (Facebook) Friend

Ice is my favorite luxury.
Paper towels are my most frequent vice.
I used to be very good at lying.
I am addicted to canceling appointments.
Multi-taking is my my greatest obsession.
I can scoop the litter while peeing.
I keep farmer’s hours;
Up at six, breakfast at six-thirty, dinner at five.
I don’t like to leave my apartment after dark.
If this was a personal ad, 
you would have clicked past by now.
you would not send me a wink.
When people end sentences with “so” 
when people end correction with “just saying.”
I feel panic.
I will not hesitate to leave an admonishing note on your car.
I will not hesitate to shout at people on the street.
I don’t like to hug right away.
Still, I might cause you to laugh.
I keep a tidy kitchen.
I will always greet you warmly
and squeeze you spontaneously.
I will listen when you say things. 
I will send you post cards from across town.
I will collect salt-water in a small corked bottle and 
I will bring it to your house.
Posted 03/16/14
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