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Shadow of A Doubt

Confession

From Pre-K to High School

I used to sleep with a nightlight

When midnight made rounds

‘Round radius of our half of  hemisphere

Relieving day light from day job

And all familiar voices of household

Ceased communication

To dwell deeply in dusk’s duration

The pitch black presence would peak paranoia

That’d handicap body like a corpse constricted to tightest casket

Heart stilled to stone with every echo ears picked up

That’d make eyes sweat

From pacing back and forth doing suicides drills from lash to lash

Quick dash to flash seen sitting in corner surface of lids

Leaving court of cornea after winning this game of hide and seek

That shook my soul like abandoned sneakers bouncing between heavy earthquakes

That illuminating fixture fixed to wall

Always alleviated the weight brought by heavy darkness

Its glow let me know secrets that slumber time kept concealed

Uncertainty wasn’t a word while bulb stayed bright

Turning fear from a trap for bears to a mouse’s snare

Though i’ve outgrown them wall plants

I’ve never learned how to uproot doubt

I walk through valleys

Overcasted by silhouettes belonging to something sinister

Losing hours worth of lifespan

I physically progress

Mentally digress

Emotionally build stress

Spiritually feel less

‘Cause I worry ‘bout what’s next

Or what may not be

Like I started college well

But what if I fail to get degree?

Like my interview felt great

But what if employer don’t agree?

Like my relationship is good now

But what if later it won’t be?

Everything seems so fly

But what if later she goes flee?

I’ve been neglected many times

People be bound to just leave me

And i’m scared

Terrified of not knowing what’s next in

Chapter, ‘cause some stories end depressin’

I wish light would set in ‘cause darkness makes me skeptic

The only thing that’s bright is the emergency exit

I’m tempted to take it

Save my heart the rejection

As if pains a pistol

Popping chest bringing death

But that’s just dark’s deception

That all unseen must mean

Climax to terrible cut scene

To destinations we want “A” or “B”

No sitting in between

Desiring ambiguity shaved off

Cut clean

But that severs sanctity of trust

Acknowledging Spirit’s wind

Goes all directions when it gusts

We cannot control it, yet we should never loathe it

I used to sleep with a nightlight

And sometimes I still desire things done in dark be brought to light

But those who prevail travel blind, without reliance on sight

Darkness has been more greater of an advocate than I could ever recognize

Allowing present to be a present

And all uncertainty be a surprise

Without a shadow of a doubt

Posted 06/14/18
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