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This is Your Captain Speaking

“My copilot and I have been talking about it a lot and I know this sounds very bad, but he thinks it would be cathartic if I got this off my chest. I really think I’d like to slit all of your throats then open up the first available exit and throw you from the plane. This would be very hard considering that it would depressurize the cabin, but you see my point. I know that my purpose is to shuttle you from place to place and that my job would become a rather meaningless task if I was to purposefully kill all of you during the flight, but you should think of all the wonderful things you might possible see before you bleed to death on the way down. In fact, I would be in such a hurry with the whole process, that I’m sure one or two of you would make it to the ground and just die on impact…
I’ve seen a show or read something once, that said most people falling from large heights without a parachute or a safety harness or whatever, die of fright or heart attacks before they even get to the ground. I certainly hope this isn’t true. Really folks, I imagine all of you like dots on a garden map, each a different type of flower blooming across the surface of the earth. You’ll be a tiny dent to us up here, the whole pile of you on the ground, someone’s special mess to admire then clean up…
Oh yes, I should tell you, we’ll be beginning our descent in about 20 minutes.”

Posted 05/18/09
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