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Perhaps this responds to the previous comment, but even if it does not I would like to suggest that the list-formation here, because of its irregularity, cuts to some extent into tired impersonality methods, or shakes up all this impersonality strategizing. In other words, if the current poetics sometimes seem tired, then you might get some refreshment from this poem. That would not serve to argue for the poem's greater liveliness, but it would suggest other virtues for the unimpressed reader.
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03/21/10 11:28pm
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The movement in this poem is pretty stilted, even as "list" poems go. Some of the lines had some associative resonance others seem misplaced somehow, having traveled in from some other poem. You have a couple interesting moves such as the final two lines, but poem has an insufficient governing dynamic (for my tastes) to hold together. There appear to be kernels of 3-4 poems scattered throughout. The first line and "If you're in love you have structure" (and the following two lines) seem promising. You should check out the movie "The Fall".
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03/18/10 10:41am
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