Member since April 21, 2009 | 12,981 Readings |
You Know How It Is when You Go into a Room?
I was in the store when I thought barf structure. / Then, on a different day, I thought I should change my name / to Thomas—talk to my…
Bill & Sandra, Marcia
Some pretty nice magazines are spread about the house / when Sandra walks in with her fashionable permanent and / says, "Have you had a…
He Said, She Said
The correct thing to say would have been, “Yes, / it was me who farted into your water glass.” But / I was drunk, and so I said, “Water glass?…
She was a lousy senorita. The lousiest senorita. She / would slap you. She would bite you. She would jump / you. You couldn’t do anything right....
Jean, Jean’s Cough, and the Plants in…
/ First the plant was in the Dominican / / and then it was on Daytona Beach / / and then it finally ended up on the trolley by the window....
Look at this gorgeous day!
It reminds me of a huge and I mean huge flock of sheep. / / Probably the biggest you have ever seen. / / And naturally, it is a special…
You will cook a space needle. / / You will cook the longest grain of rice. / / The longest, most slender grain of rice / / it will stretch…
The idea behind it was simple: / / they would be able to remember everything they said and did and saw. / / They would walk around the room…
When Dusting Does Not Matter Anymore
When I am old / / I am going to get a bird / / and I am going to name my bird Raoul. / / Most of the time, Raoul will live in his cage /…
I would now like to take this…
Bruce Willis is / / a crack head. / / Except, here, "crack" means "cracker." / / Not "crack cocaine."…
Hercules could throw his pencil over mountains. / Aristotle could throw his hot water bag over great channels. / Sophocles, when he wasn’t over…
The Man I Am Today
Computers are pencils you don’t need to sharpen. / Currency was invented by an old man with a trampoline for a beard. / When I walk to the end…
Subscribed by Jono Tosch
Who died and made you
I’m sorry that the pencil I gave you // to write out the list of how the day had wronged you / had a lead so soft it collapsed into the page / …
If I ever calm down for a moment,remind me about the terrible world.Many times I thought, oh, I can’t take it,I’m brokenhearted, and went home and…
I spent two hours last night listening / to Cool Hand Luke singing “Plastic Jesus.” / What’s that in my head? It’s a sound, it’s not / really a…
It’s good practice. It keeps the flies off, / the phoenixes down. It keeps the butter / soft, the cocksure cock hard. It’s a / strengthening…
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