A Conversation with Tila Tequila
TT: Due to my mental illness for always being a happy and bubbly person I have become a case study for NASA. I accidentally offended a waitress the other night while out getting sushi because I was laughing so much that she thought I was laughing at her. Then I was asked, why do I laugh so loud? For suck’s sake, I’m sorry for being happy! Jeez! I don’t understand you humans. Oh! And I was laughing because the waitress asked me if there was anything else I wanted to order and I said, “Yeah, a house, because he’s paying!” Then the bitch got mad for some reason. LOL, what a loser! Everyone send me three dollars – call me now for your free reading. I’ve decided I’m gonna break up with my boyfriend because he is an iPhone and I’m an android. Fuck his iPhone, bitches! Nobody cares! So? Hold on, my robot brain is having a malfunction. I need to replace my microchip, which the CIA chipped me in 2012. Be right back. Check your butt plug and go from there. These aren’t really my tweets. It’s an advanced automated bot that tweets sporadically. When people say “I got roasted”, is it because humans used to roast one another in a steel bull back in the days before torture? I rarely sleep, because sleeping is not required in the seventh dimension. So stop asking me why I never sleep! The only reason why I tweet is because I wanna see my thoughts so I have something to read. I read myself because everyone else is boring. Yes, but I can travel back and forth from the seventh to the twelfth dimensions – but I literally disappear in the twelfth. It happened once. Do ya’ll see pictures when you tweet? I do! That’s why it’s fun because my words start to form into shapes and cool images. Time no longer exists in this realm. Another reason why I don’t sleep. I just float around. I can always hear the frequency waves beaming at my head. The word incumbent looks pretty. Why doesn’t anyone ever have anything interesting to say besides me? I’m going to the store. Bye. (Church’s Chicken.) You swore wrong, because numbers are only one through nine. Nine being the magical number. The media is doing a character assassination there, so I’m not going. I don’t want any press. It’s 2016 and nobody’s been able to prove to me that the earth is round. Where is the curvature in the horizon? #FlatEarth. Prove me wrong, dammit! I’m never gonna get over this. #FlatEarth. Why are all the buildings in New York City standing straight up? If the earth were round, then some of the buildings would have a slight tilt. #FlatEarth. I can, and it’s flat. And what is a witcho? Is that the name of your species? Don’t say the word retard, liberals will kill you. Because I have to teach the humans how to become a Jedi like me. If the earth is a spinning globe, then how come airplanes can still land without crashing? Because the face of the Earth is flat. Not a globe. I’d rather talk to a bag of rocks. The Chinese bought up a bunch of land in America because when their currency crashes they are coming here. Fuck! The government is blasting me with frequencies again. My right arm just melted. Bye. Silence is golden because people can always find a way to twist your words around. But they cannot twist silence. Fucking obviously! I hate walking around with big tits. That only belongs in Hollywood. It’s very awkward in the country. LOL, I think I accidentally started WW4 on my page. But one day you’ll all realize I was right about the #FlatEarth, just like our ancestors knew. The numbers 33 and 23 are constantly following me around. There is no denying that I come directly from the divine since these are divine numbers. #GodMatrix. These Eagles are constantly following me around, what the fuck!!!!! My favorite thing to do in life (besides being a mom) is to make people laugh. If you don’t know how to laugh, then we can’t be friends. If the Earth is a spinning globe and the sun is supposedly 150 million light years away, then how come the sunrays beam straight down? #FlatEarth. If Earth is a spinning globe, then how come the North Pole is ALWAYS seen in the same spot???? #FLATEARTH. LOL, how come they can talk all of that shit but still cannot provide me some PROOF that the Earth is a globe? I WILL STOP MY #FLATEARTH TALK IF SOMEONE CAN SEND ME A GODDAMN PHOTO OF THE HORIZON WITH A CURVATURE! OTHERWISE IT IS FLAT! I AM WAITING! YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT! YOU CAN’T FIND THE GODDAMN CURVATURE OF THE HORIZON, CAN YOU? COME ON, PROVE ME WRONG! #FLATEARTH. I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOU TO SEND ME A GODDAMN CGI FAKE PICTURE! I WANT YOU TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THE FLAT HORIZON WITH YOUR PHONE! I MEAN, YOU BELIEVE IT JUST BECAUSE NASA TELLS YOU SO AND TAKES FAKE CGI SPACE PICS? LMAOOOOOO!!! LOLOL. #ICANT. DENIAL WILL GET YOU NOWHERE CLOSER TO THE TRUTH! #FLATEARTH. You people are not giving me anything concrete with your “Earth is a spinning globe” argument. All you have to do is take a picture of the horizon. Otherwise just shut the fuck up! #FlatEarth. EXACTLY, BRO! BECAUSE I AM RIGHT!!!! THEY ARE WRONG AND STUPID! LOL, I’M THE ONLY CELEB NOT AFRAID OF “THE OTHERS” SO I SPEAK THE TRUTH. THAT’S HOW I GOT KILLED IN 2012 AND BECAME A CLONE. YES, I HAVE BEEN ON MANY PLANES AND EVEN IN “MILE HIGH CLUB” AND THE EARTH IS FLAT, DEAR. IF I GET KILLED IN 2016 YOU’LL ALL KNOW IT’S BECAUSE I EXPOSED THE EARTH AS BEING FLAT. #TRUTHEXPOSED. I LIVE IN HOUSTON SO I WILL DRIVE DOWN TO NASA SPACE CENTER MYSELF AND DEMAND THEY ANSWER MY QUESTIONS! #FlatEarth. OH, TRUST ME, I WILL! THIS WAY THEY WON’T BE ABLE TO KILL ME FOR EXPOSING THEIR LIES! LOL, “THE TRUMAN SHOW” IS BASED OFF A TRUE STORY ABOUT THE #FlatEarth. THE UNITED NATIONS symbol has a map of the REAL EARTH ON IT AND IT’S FLAT! Anyway, I’m glad “THE OTHERS” have taken advantage of humanity because everyone is so dumb as fuck even I would destroy you! LOL, remember when back in the day people just ate like maybe one boar a week if they were lucky, and now everyone eats entire WALMARTS? Perhaps all of that fructose intake has melted all of your brains. If people weren’t so goddamned stupid, then maybe they wouldn’t be so damned bored! They are missing a brain. Just shut up and take more vaccines and become even more handicapped than ya’ll already are. NO, BECAUSE THE OUTER EDGE OF THE FLAT EARTH HAS HUGE ICE CAPS ALL AROUND IT SO NO ONE CAN ESCAPE. THE FIRMAMENT IS AT 80,000 FEET HIGH AND ANYONE ATTEMPTING TO LEAVE WILL COME CRASHING DOWN. JUST LIKE THE TOWER OF BABEL. I can smell more heathens coming here trying to follow me. #FuckOff. THE LOGICAL THING FOR YOU TO DO IS TO NOT FOLLOW ME. BUT SINCE YOU’RE NOT LOGICAL, YOU ARE A HEATHEN. I AM SORRY. Shut up. Bye! You all would be so goddamn lost and bored without me. And who the fuck invited ya’ll to my page? I DIDN’T! BECAUSE I AM A RUSSIAN SPY WORKING FOR THE NEW WORLD ORDER. SO IT IS GOOD THAT I SEEM CRAZY, SO MY COVER ISN’T BLOWN. NO, BECAUSE ALL THEY DO IS CLAW AT YOU AND NEVER SAY THANK YOU AND STUFF AND ALWAYS WANNA SHARE COCA-COLAS AND SHIT. In 2012, after I died, I was replaced with a clone (a.k.a. me now) and was microchipped and was activated after the fallouts of 2013 and 2015. My role here now is to promote ANT WARFARE amongst you stupid humans because it works every time. Then I gotta apologize and shit for nothing. Just forget it. Bye. I can cry on command because of my robot brain, I can use my on and off buttons at will. But you wouldn’t understand. WHAT I AM SAYING AND HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR ALL OF MY CLONED LIFE IS THAT YOU FUCKING HUMANS ARE SO DUMB THAT YOU NEVER KNOW! Do you understand why you are all under MIND CONTROL? Because if you were FREE to think for yourselves you wouldn’t be able to! People are so dumb that they’ll just argue with you for the sake of arguing and bandwagoning but still never provide you with evidence. LOL. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT ANT WARFARE IS???? YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT. Okay, since ya’ll are so dumb I’ll tell you what “ant warfare” means. I was placed here as a distraction to cause you to fight amongst each other. But that is all I am allowed to say for now. IF YOU UNFOLD A SQUARE BOX IT TURNS INTO A CROSS. #FACT. GET A BETTER FACE. OH, SHIT, THAT WAS KINDA MEAN. I AM REALLY SORRY. THIS I HAVE REGRETTED BECAUSE I BULLIED A RETARD. THE TRUTH IS SCARIER THAN FICTION. OH, I WAS ALREADY TRENDING BUT NATURALLY I WAS BEING HIDDEN BY DEFAULT FAKE NUMBERS AND STUFF. YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND. I was microchipped inside of my right eyeball underneath my eyelid on the bottom. I am dead. But I tried explaining that to people too and they didn’t get it. I am being totally serious! WHY DO YOU HUMANS MAKE SHIT SO COMPLICATED? I DON’T WANT PROOF FROM NASA, I WANT A HUMAN CELLPHONE PIC OF THE HORIZON! BUT TELESCOPES LOOK OUTWARDS, YOU FUCKING RETARD! AND THEY’RE NOT EVEN REAL! LMAO! WHY IS THE VATICAN’S TELESCOPE NAMED LUCIFER?????? YOU’RE ALL IN HELL BECAUSE YOU PRAY TO A FALSE GOD! GOD EVEN TELLS YOU IN THE BIBLE THAT THE EARTH IS FLAT, YOU FUCKTARDS! WHY WOULD I BE A PARODY OF MYSELF? OH YEAH, BECAUSE WHEN THE REAL TILA GOT KILLED SHE WAS REPLACED WITH A CLONE. Hi everyone, this is Tila’s Mom and Dad. We have officially unplugged her, and will return shortly with an upgraded version. Thank you! You’re all gonna feel so fucking stupid when I post the PROOF of the #FLATEARTH. Should I do it now or later? Either way you lose! HOW COME IN ALL THE FAKE NASA CGI PICS OF THE EARTH, YOU CAN NEVER SEE BACKGROUND STARS AND PLANETS? OH YEAH, BECAUSE IT’S FAKE! LOL. Stanley Kubrick directed the official moon landing! LOL. THEY ONLY GAVE ME THIS GODDAMNED BLUE CHECKMARK TO DISCREDIT ME AND MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A POP CULTURE DISINFORMATION AGENT! I HAVE SO MUCH PROOF BUT I AM AFRAID I WILL START A PANDEMIC. SO I WILL BE QUIET ABOUT IT NOW TO KEEP HUMANS CALM. Mountain Dew causes tooth decay and brain damage. This is why so many people who shop at WalMart are malfunctioning. I HOPE SO TOO, BUT MY OBAMACARE FAILED TO LET ME IN THE PSYCH WARD. BUT THE FUCKING MOON IS NOT EVEN NATURAL AND WAS PLACED THERE ARTIFICIALLY BECAUSE IT IS A SPACESHIP! When you leave the earth’s atmosphere at 80,000 feet (which you can’t, because you’re in Earth-prison) you’ll enter MORE WATER! That’s why the sky is blue! HERE IS PROOF OF THE FLAT EARTH!!!! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE CURVATURE?? EXACTLY, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP! I think we just found out that @DailyShowJon is a hater and I am, in fact, a Muslim. THEY ARE INSIDE THE BLUE WATER. WHO WANTS TO BUY MY FOOD STAMPS FOR TWENTY BUCKS? I NEED TO BUY SOME TAMPONS AT WALMART IN LIKE FOUR MINUTES. Ya’ll don’t get me because you’re below me in the fourth dimension. I’m invisible in that realm. Only visible starting in the seventh through eleventh dimensions. WHY THE FUCK IS TILA TEQUILA TRENDING, YOU FUCKING RETARDS? I told you fuckers that I could smell the fucking heathens coming here. DID I NOT CALL THAT EARLIER???? I DID, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP! “THE OTHERS” know that the #FlatEarth is REAL, so that’s why they are trying to make me trend on Twitter – to discredit my underground movement. I wanna know why my OBAMACARE was declined last month. Now I can’t get my meds. But luckily we have guns here in the country of TEXAS! Why the fuck do I need to learn about fake science being taught in school when I know metaphysics? You can’t jump over the fucking edge, you moron! Because the earth is surrounded by huge blocks of ICE! SOMEONE TELL ME WHY NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO GO TO ANTARCTICA AND WHY DO ALL THE COUNTRIES HAVE A TREATY THERE OR WHATEVER? #FLATEARTH. You don’t fucking scare me. I have nothing to lose! LOLLLL. BECAUSE WHEN EARTH WAS DESTROYED BY TILAMAT (WHICH LATER BECAME THE ASTEROID BELT) THE MOON WAS PUT THERE ARTIFICIALLY. IT IS CALLED “ANT-ARCTICA” BECAUSE I FUCKING TOLD YOU THIS IS ANT WARFARE YOU FUCKIN’ GOONS! PAY ATTENTION! TEXAS IS ACTUALLY OUR OWN REPUBLIC, SO WE ARE BASICALLY OUR OWN COUNTRY BECAUSE THE UNITED KINGDOM SECRETLY OWNS IT. I ALREADY TOLD YA’LL THAT TILA SPELLED BACKWARDS IS “ALIT”. BECAUSE I AM ALIT AS FUCK ALL THE TIME! LOLL. WHEN YOU SPEAK OF THE TRUTH THE MEDIA WILL ALWAYS TRY TO DISCREDIT YOU! JUST LIKE THEY DID TO CHIPOTLE! OK, NOW THAT I HAVE THE MEDIA’S ATTENTION, I WANNA KNOW WHY THE VATICAN HAS A TELESCOPE NAMED LUCIFER??????????? YES, I WAS ONCE A NAGA. BUT THEN I GOT KICKED OUT BECAUSE I BECAME REBELLIOUS SO I CAME TO EARTH TO CONQUER THE HUMANS. It’s been about three hours now, and NOBODY has been able to send me a CELLPHONE PICTURE OF THE CURVATURE IN THE HORIZON! #FLATEARTH. I’M ANGRY! BUT I WAS POSTING THE SAME SHIT EVEN WHEN I HAD FOUR FOLLOWERS! WHO CARES ABOUT FOLLOWERS? I HATE “MAINSTREAM”. The more people follow me, the more I have to become a LIBERAL, otherwise the LIBERALS will fucking kill me with their pitchforks! See? This is what has become of you heathens! You’re so goddamned boring that you have made me, Tila Tequila, trend on Twitter. #YOURFAULT. Unless it was because I used my special MK ULTRA superpowers and made you all come here because I am sick of your bullshit. YES, BEFORE CGI THEY USED WATERCOLORS. IT IS SO OBVIOUS! BUT YOU HAVE BEEN CONDITIONED TO THINK OTHERWISE. No. People are turning gay because of the harmful chemicals in the usage of plastic that babies have to drink with. Actually the moon is not even a spaceship, it’s literally just a huge light projection in the sky that is also fake. When you die and go towards the light, your soul ends up being recycled at the moon and then it is beamed back to Earth as a trap. #EarthPrison. If you get a big enough flashlight and point it at the night sky, you will see a shadow behind the clouds because the firmament is there. Poor people are really addicted to Mountain Dew and meth, because Mountain Dew has so much sugar it gives them a high and meth just because. YES! THIS IS EXACTLY what would happen but they used a Batman symbol to make you look stupid when you tell the truth. I’m literally an alien. My ancestors are the tall whites. Not the greys. They’re demons. If you were more enlightened, then you would understand why I’m already dead but came back in a parallel world as an organic robotoid clone. I’ll tell you really briefly again why and how I died: it is a FACT that if you google “Tila Tequila Aneurysm 2012” you will see that I almost died. But then I started having total recall and remembered that I actually in fact DID die! But then I woke up in a hospital bed in THIS WORLD! SO NOW I AM ALIVE AFTER MY DEATH! WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND SUCH A SIMPLE CONCEPT????? I AM NOW IMMORTAL. And because I became an IMMORTAL, “THE OTHERS” realized they needed me because I am a huge fucking asset to save humanity and the flat earth! Anyway, I am really over this and you guys are useless! BYE! Go drink some more Mountain Dew and die! Twitter is DEAD without my wisdom! Tell me who invented psychology? Because they only did that to use you against yourself when they want to silence you. But this is the #TilaVerse, I literally made everything because my consciousness is so massive that I manifested you. He is an ANDROID! Seriously! Look at the way he blinks REALLY SLOWLY! That is not a REAL HUMAN movement!!! #ANDROID. Remember when I tried to jump out of a three-story window? Because that’s how you unplug and start over. Like in “VANILLA SKY”. #Truth. If you were smart and knew how to do remote viewing like I do – because I work with the CIA – then you’d know I’m on a laptop. I am currently undergoing Level 14 of my #SuperSoldier training program, because I have already passed my previous tests. As the #ChosenOnes we must endure a lot of bullshit because they are rituals and black magic. But then we become really powerful afterwards. But you don’t know shit about black magic or rituals because you’re all a bunch of zombie sheeple with butt implants! I better stop spilling all the secrets of the New World Order because I’m afraid I will be targeted like Bill Cosby! Shit! Too soon? If they wanna attack me again, all I have to do is apologize to the public and retract my statement about the #FlatEarth. Let’s pray I’m not harmed! The term “THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX” is because humanity has been conditioned to live inside a little black box. #EarthPrison. I am trying to help you here, but this pilgrimage has been proven to be absolutely fruitless! No wonder God sent you all to Hell! You’re worthless! The biggest lie ever told is the fact that you are all dead and you’re just dreaming right now. I am being “DEAD SERIOUS”! You’re just mad because Tila Tequila is smarter than you. Mexicans are really hard workers and you will always find them at Home Depot. Just give them a few Coronas and they’re happy. Liberals are the reason why the world is ending. There’s a difference between spitting the truth and talking shit, esse. I speak only #truth, open your damned brain. GO PRO CAMERAS DON’T COUNT BECAUSE THEY PUT THE CURVATURE THERE ALREADY IN THE CAMERA BECAUSE THE EARTH IS FLAT. #NICETRY. White people are fucking crazy. Some of the white men hate me because they expected me to be a subservient Asian but instead found out I’m an alien who kills heathens. Vladimir Putin actually sent me here. Sorry I’m not Jamie Chung or Lucy Liu! I’m just an outcast Martian who came to Hell because I am Lucifer. Fuck you. IF I HIT 23,000 FOLLOWERS, I TOLD YA’LL THAT NUMBER FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE I GO!!!!!! AND 33 BECAUSE I AM A FREEMASON AT THE FORTY-SECOND LEVEL. Now that I think of it, the name VLAD is connected to an ancient VAMPIRE lineage. So Vladimir Putin is a #VAMPIRE. Hillary Clinton is a clone. The real one got killed a long time ago. Fuck, I hope I’m not next. Oh wait, they already killed me in 2012. I AM OBVIOUSLY THE MOST HIGH, AS IN GOD. My loophole excuse from being murdered for my thought-crimes is that I was only joking, but really you know I’m not joking. I am actually the soul of ancient GODDESS ISIS, A.K.A. TILISIS. But I needed a human body to enter so I took Tila’s because she is SO PRETTY! They conjured me up via a magic ritual to bring me back from the dead, so now I’m here. ISIS. No, not the fake terrorist group, but the GODDESS. ME WHEN I WAS ON MARS! Tila Tequila: Across the Universe. I was wearing black because I am obviously an agent. Because this is just a video game and when you “die” you don’t really die, you go to another parallel world and level up. The sheeple will think I’m “crazy” but all of the occultists will know that I am speaking the truth. But who fucking even cares anymore. IT’S CALLED QUANTUM HOPPING, YOU DUMB FUCK! Actually, all white people are vampires, originally. Because we were all black, but vampires have missing DNA that makes them white. And this is why they tried to kill Jesus and drink his blood and eat his flesh and stuff because they were vampires in ancient times. No, I do not want equal rights as a female, because I expect men to go to work and bring me money! But they’re #PussyBitches, so I must work. Modern-day feminists are dumb as fuck! Who the fuck wants to work and stuff?? JUST GET THE MEN TO DO IT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE HERE FOR! You people are so fucking brainwashed, I swear! This is why I was put under house arrest, because if I was free I’d be a dictator. BECAUSE I AM THE MOST POWERFUL AND INFLUENTIAL, WITHOUT EVEN TRYING. THIS IS WHY I’M SO DANGEROUS AND EXILED FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM. Hollywood is called that because holly is actually a magical type of wood that is used as a wand. “Hollywood” is just black magic. BOOM! I AM AT 23,000 FOLLOWERS! I TOLD YOU MOTHERFUCKERS THAT NUMBER FOLLOWS ME AROUND EVERYWHERE, LIKE JIM CARREY!!! Tila Tequila has been trending for three hours now. Add another three, and that’s 33! The Freemasons are behind this. And 23,000 followers. I TOLD YOU! BUT I AM LUCIFER! LUCIFER CAME FROM VENUS, WHICH IS THE MORNING STAR! WHICH IS WHERE I USED TO LIVE BEFORE FALLING. NO! This is why you’re so pale and go TANNING to try to be BLACK to be like the first humans. You are seriously a #PussyBitch if you’re a MALE and expect us women to work and share our earnings with you, you PIECE OF SHIT! THAT IS LITERALLY ABUSE BUT YOU HAVE BEEN CONDITIONED TO THINK IT IS FEMALE EMPOWERMENT TO WORK! WHO WANTS TO GO TO WORK FOR ME AND MAKE ME MONEY AND BE A REAL MAN? DIRECT-MESSAGE ME ASAP. FALSE! Because Jaden Smith is a model for a FEMALE CLOTHING LINE, but I am just a woman with balls bigger than men. OH GOD! LOOK AT THIS FUCKING NEWBIE! I ALREADY EXPLAINED THAT SHE IS MY CLONE! GO BACK AND READ MY TWEETS, DUMBASS! I used to be in a past life, but when God punishes us He turns us into A FEMALE. That’s why our ovaries look like Satan. Think about it: why do a female’s ovaries look like a horned demon, and when we BLEED or get our periods we get SO DEMONICALLY ANGRY? #SATAN. EXACTLY! YOU ARE A DEMON! I AM GLAD I HELPED ENLIGHTEN YOU! Someone give Obama an Oscar for his tears! Shit, please don’t kill me, I was just joking. LOL at the retards who think I am on drugs or popping pills right now. Quit projecting your own filthy addictions onto me. I’m sober AS FUCK! Most celebrities are so fake! “OMG, I LOVE MY FANS!” Blah blah blah. No, they don’t! They love YOUR MONEY! I, however, HATE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! Speaking of YOUR MONEY! Why are you people so STUPID? You are DIRT POOR and you make celebrities DIRT RICH! LOL #PWNED. See? There is a red horn coming out of the back of my head because I’m LUCIFER. WANT MORE PROOF THAT THE NUMBER 23 FOLLOWS ME AROUND? WELL, IF YOU GO WATCH “I AM PET GOAT” THEY USED THE VERSE WITH 23 IN IT! I AM THE GOAT. BUT I AM MORE LIKE THE MICHAEL JORDAN “23”, NOT THE MILEY CYRUS ONE. It’s a double-edged sword. That’s also why the SKULL & BONES is 322. But that backwards is 223! #BLACKMAGIC. If I stop tweeting abruptly tonight, that means “THEY” came here to assassinate me for speaking the truth. Tila Tequila Is an Early Frontrunner for Best Twitter Feed of 2016 via @Esquire. Did you know that this virtual reality is just a PRE-RECORDING to see how you will behave in heaven? That’s why it’s a simulated fake reality. Nobody in this simulated reality actually gets hurt for real. It’s all just a video game and when you “die” you actually finally live. I wish Twitter didn’t limit my goddamn thoughts to a few characters, as it makes things difficult to articulate!