319 Readings | 3 Ratings

#Liberalismin4Words (An Epic Poem)

This is trending again? Glad we’re making progress.

Dear Democrats: Take notes!

The first step: Socialism. (Not Socialism or Communism.) Whine about absolutely everything. The philosophy of dictators? “We leave citizens behind.” “Our science is religion: We know, you don’t.” 

Trickle-down government economics? Like stupid on steroids. Trickle-down doesn’t work!”  

“How about four men abusing the race card?” 

Liberals are more accepting. They love big government. JFK said it best: “{Bend over, this won’t hurt a bit.} Can’t take a joke? Pay people honest wages. Solve problems. Human rights are conditional.”

Common sense? Human beings working together? They don’t get this.

Spending other people’s money? Spending our children’s money? Obsessed with government roads?

[picture worth 1,000 words]

That isn’t your body–we hate this picture! (Cursive writing is racist!)

Fighting for government rights? Always fixing conservative messes? Rewarding failure, punishing success? Keep growing the government!

People who love America take from the producers: More jobs, fewer employers. Chicago corruption gone national! (Actually, size does matter.)

Live off the government. Tax, spend, tax, repeat. Tax more, spend more. 
{Sermon on the Mount.} {Health care.} {New Obamacare clinics.} {Separation of Church and State.} {Recession not laziness equals unemployment.} {I love Twitter.} Loving what is evil. Using facts, not Fox. Education helps reduce ignorance!

(No conservative logic allowed; Sarah Palin outsmarts us.) 

Progressive America, coming soon: how things should be! Unsustainable, crushing, needless debt! War is cool now, didn’t create Great Recession. Lunatics running the asylum. Not dishonorably discharged chickenhawks. (“Corps”? “Corpse”? What difference? Progressives are quite adaptable; we respect our veterans. Ike would like us.)

Winners moving America forward must drink Kool Aid: “Real patriot and taxes.” No brains allowed here! Preach tolerance, crush dissent!

The War on Women? Death Cab for Cutie? From deficits to surplus? We still blame Bush.

Forget history; history proves who’s racist.

Republicans cannot be trusted. Same as GOP establishment!

Looking to the future, global warming shrinks worldwide, does not empower women. The government owns you. Where scandals go away, lying murderers are admired. ATMs steal our jobs.

Liberal definition of success: Leaders who actually lead! Imperialism, now with diversity, selectively tolerant of others!

“What’s in this pic? Four dead U.S. citizens? Obama shirts in mugshots? Adult children? Onesie pajamas? A party of thugs? Brains have fallen out…” 

“Brain of a liberal!”

“Where is my brain?”

“‘I hate successful people. I’m so freakin’ angry. Not tolerant at all. (Turn down? For what!) Everyone owes me something. (Millions of dead people.)’”

“You can’t fix stupid!”

“Leonard Bernstein on liberals: ‘Robbing Peter, paying Paul: what Jesus would do.’”

“‘Tolerant’–when you agree.

“Freedom of speech suppressed! ‘For me, not thee!’”

Convinced government solves problems? Illegal immigration is legal? Government belongs to people? Masters in English? Barista? Why work? Vote Democrat! I graduated from college, It’s time for payback!

The absence of wisdom.

Marriage equality for all.

{Seek unemployment solutions.}

{Government-approved killing methods.}

Progressing forward with hope.

Serving people, not lobbyists.

Investing in America’s future.

Calling out fake Christians, {ice-trapped climate researchers.}

Driving the conservatives insane. (Waivers for their cronies.)

The “Detroitization” of America.

More healthcare, less wars.

Ugly women, faggish men, {crazy idiots,} manly chicks, girly men: not impressed by screaming? Too educated for Romney? Live dependent or die! ‘Let them eat Obamacare!’ Personalize, polarize, divide, distract! Hillary Clinton is God! (Liberals vote for her.)

Nothing is our fault! Burger work is tough.

Kiss my Subaru Forester!

Purveyors of American ghettoes: Punish success, reward laziness! Feed hungry children unconditionally! Nobody deserves to starve! Nobody should go hungry! Inequality is politically engineered! So good, it’s mandatory! Where’s my welfare check? (“Freedom?” Need more government!)

Able to read charts? Strangulating nation through regulation? Always offended by something? Irrational sense of entitlement? It’s a mental disorder. A real mental disorder. Move forwards, not backwards! More class, less warfare! Totally disregard the Constitution! Spam block when losing! When losing, yell “racist”!

“Equal rights for all?” Philosophy of snivelling brats. (“I’m offended by that.”)

“Never accept responsibility?” How America gets ahead. Better for the economy. (We do hypocrisy best. It’s hoes before embryos!)

“Ability to embrace diversity”? “Tolerance”? Agreeing with me. (Protect the “slow” children!)

Fighting for fair wages? Unable to define liberty? Do as you’re told. (Iceland does Liberalism right.)

The real job creators? Communists masquerading as “progressives.” Rich, evil, lying hypocrites. Men who dream big, think taxation helps economies. American symbols of manhood? Valuing children over guns! Slavery, secession, segregation, Socialism! Inclusion, equality, humanity, enlightenment! Humanitarianism through massive bombings! Living and believing lies! lying liars who lie! Pathlogical liars seeking control! Racist, greedy, intolerant thieves! Theft disguised as charity! Unrestricted affordable health care! Dead Republicans voting Democrat! (MLK was a Republican!) Abortion, Starbucks, white guilt! Propaganda, entitlements, ignorance, guilt! Ted Kennedy at Chappaquiddick! Big bucks, no whammies! Little Debbie, big cash! Save trees, kill babies! Lies, propaganda, and doublespeak! Shrek is not drek! Fatal Mario Kart tragedy! The good ship lollipopsicle! Putting illegals before veterans! “How about nine words?” (Another dumb tweet, James. Not really that compassionate.)

“And justice for all”? “Global warming”? Seneca, Selma, and Stonewall? Taxes, taxes, taxes, taxes? Epic fail. Here’s proof:

Enough said.

Rethink the “libtard” thing/”Democrats: The Teat Party.” Let’s not be bigots. Maybe minorities are people. Showing ID is racist. Let’s help the poorest. No more “war economy”! (That face you make!)

Lie of the year not focused on Benghazi? 

“Misspell your own name? Rules are for others!”
“I believe in evolution: All men created equal!”
“Don’t care about truth? ‘Liberal policies don’t work’!”
“The website is working!”
“All Americans do better.”
“Can’t match conservative women!”
“Hey, it’s not Conservatism!”
“Prison: a Democrat paradise. Give us your bulbs!”
“Food stamps for everyone jealous of your paycheck!”
“Albert Einstein was right: {Single-payer works better.}
“Veterans bad, illegals good.”
{Mandate-tested, Jesus-approved.}
“I’m armed, not you.”
{Children without bullet-holes.}
“Wealth is not worth. Don’t agree? You’re racist!”
“‘Obama World’s Most Admired.’”
“Value people over money.”
{Corporations aren’t people, my friend.}
{Death panels equals health care.}
“We passed our classes, brought you the KKK.”
“The ‘Affordable’ Care Act.” 
{Affordable healthcare for United States.}
“Congratulations on your abortion!”
“Always a liberal bias.”
“Obamacare literally saves lives.”
“Believing they are entitled, guns don’t save lives.”
“It’s all Israel’s fault!”
“Great intentions, terrible execution.”
“We don’t need jobs/Obama’s extensions and waivers.”
“Spread the wealth around!”
{Reality-based policies work.}
“Obama will protect me. (Women get coverage too.)”
“Ideology of mass murderers? Communism will work here.”
“You said it all.”
“We can’t handle facts.”
{I paid into Social Security.}
“Low IQ is guaranteed, doesn’t hold America hostage.”
“What’s yours is mine.”
“You can trust government. We uphold our commitments.”
“Signs prevent mass shootings.”
“My body, my choice!”
“Conservatives didn’t build this.”
“Entitlements ‘earned handouts’? Not!”
“‘Protecting’ people from themselves? Trying to control families? We love this Pope!”
“We’re Right.”

“Right side of history.”

“Infrastructure needs repaired now…”
“Give me damn fish.”
{Defending the liar and cheif.}
“Make money off hoax!”
“Forty-seven months job growth.”
“We speak ‘Al Gore.’”
“Looking to better future.”
“It has been—days.”
“Working at fast foods.”
“Revoke NFL non-profit status!”
“Proud of are country!”
“Love Obama or racist.”
“You disagree? You racist!”
“Better economy than conservatives.”
“Falling for same tricks.”
“Facts have liberal bias.”
“I pee sitting down.”


Fox News is insane. “You work, we spend!”

“Dropped on my head!”

“Health insurance got cancelled? Let’s smoke some weed. For progress, not obstructionism. Here, just smoke this. We fix Republican recessions! Results for everyday people! We love our Sheeple. Forward, We the Sheeple! LOL! Sad but true. Bread crumbs for everyone still fighting the Confederates!”

Fox News? Pathological liars. Global warming is real. (Slightly different than conservatism.)

Truman got it right: “Fox is baseless drivel. Fund terrorists, not military!”

Fruitless, frivolous, foolish, factless? Fiscally and socially responsible? Destroying America’s educational system? Rude, intolerant, Godless, hateful? Delusional, defiantly ignorant, laughable? Loving, compassionate, generous, intelligent? Obamacare will change this. Thank you, President Obama! (Obama is so qualified! Obama will save us! Obama for the win! Thank you, President Obama! {First gay President!You’re up, champ! LOL. Obama elected and re-elected! Obama for five years!) 

Recession, depression, oppression.} {Destruction of the middle class.}

Liberalism in four words? Only need one: racist.

Diamond lane to hell.

Agree or you’re racist. Parasites living off producers. What Republicans once were: meaningless labels inciting hostility.

“Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Liberalism in four words.” See what I did?

In one word, laughable. (I can’t stop laughing! That’s why I care!)

For sale? My vote. 

I voted six times: Where’s my check, Obama?

New Year’s, baby! Homeless! Contrary to the Constitution!

Posted 01/02/14
Statement of Concept: The poem above is a collage of the first 360 four-word tweets of 2013 using the hash-tag "Liberalismin4Words." Tweets using this hash-tag but contravening the meme (by using too few or too many words) have been set off by bolded brackets. As Twitter accounts do not denote political affiliations, there is no way to distinguish between right-of-center and left-of-center uses of this hash-tag; this is even more dramatically the case when so many tweets are aggregated in a single place in no particular order (as on Twitter) or in the form of a creatively curated, rhetoric-driven, ostensibly "unified" narrative (as here). Typeface and punctuation have on occasion been amended, though no four-word tweets were otherwise edited in the making of this poem.
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