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The Reason My Hair Looks So Neat All the Time

I don’t have to deal with the elements
very often. I live in the building
where I work. I take an elevator
from my bedroom to my office.
The rest of the time
I’m either in my stretch
limousine, my private jet, my helicopter,
or my private club in Palm Beach.

If Matt Lauer had my lifestyle,
he might not have changed his hair.

Although his hair looks great now.

If I happen to be outside, I’m probably
on one of my
golf courses, where I protect my hair
from overexposure
by wearing a golf hat. It’s also a way
to avoid the paparazzi. Plus,
the hat always has my last name on it
in capital letters—
                       an automatic promotion.

I will also admit that I color my hair.

Somehow the color never looks great,
but what the hell.

Posted 08/01/15
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