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My Love Is Like Germany

Germany, officially the Federal Republic of Germany,
is a federal parliamentary republic
in western-central Europe. It includes 16 constituent
states and covers an area
of 357,021 square kilometres (137,847 square miles)
with a largely temperate seasonal climate. Its capital
and largest city
is Berlin. With 80.7 million inhabitants,
Germany is the most populous member state in the EU.
After the United States,
it’s the second most popular migration destination

in the world. But if this were a football game, the referee
would call unnecessary roughness for piling on Germany.
The American Left, led by Paul Krugman
(“The Harm Germany Does”
and “Those Depressing Germans”) excoriates Germany
for forcing austerity on the rest of Europe.
The U.S. Treasury (no newcomer to spending) demands
that miserly Germany spend more to pull the PIIGS
(Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Greece, and Spain)
out of their economic doldrums.
Angela Merkel and her scrooge Germans are pictured
as eating their kuchen mit schlag
while Greek public employees lose jobs and unemployed
youths riot in the streets. Even the sober
Financial Times (“Germany Is a Weight on the World”)
accuses the German juggernaught
of piling up export surpluses to “beggar their neighbors.”
So every week

Michael Wigge investigates The Truth About Germany
for euromaxx, roving around the country to find out
how true the clichés are
and to discover what Germany is really like. And what’s
Germany really like?
Germany is pretty much a country of people who are
constantly annoyed with some minor shit. They rage
about everything,
they discuss everything in public and on talk shows.
Fukushima, for example,
caused a huge shitstorm in Germany about shutting off
all nuclear power stations. And hey, it worked
he Government wants to shut down and tear down
every single one of them
until 2025, if I’m correct. They’re going to use the energy
brought to them by the sun and wind (mainly)
and be the first country worldwide to do so. But even so
no one forgets that the rise of Pan-Germanism

inside the German Confederation,
which had been occupied by France, in 1871 resulted in
the unification of most of the German states
into the Prussian-dominated German Empire; and that
after World War I and the German Revolution
of 1918-1919,
the Empire was replaced by the parliamentary Weimar
Republic; and that
the establishment of the Third Reich in 1933 eventually
led to World War II and the Holocaust. While after 1945
Germany lost some of its territory and evolved into two

states, East Germany and West Germany, and, in 1990,
the country was reunified, wit and wisdom
take a back seat, girl,
when you’re that afraid! So while I wish my folks were
gracious hosts (and not dismayed), if I bring you home,
the folks look ill. They can’t forget, and they never will!
They can hear the stormtroopers on our lawn when
I show you in! And feel like The Führer is alive and well
in our paneled den! (Oh, no—bring her home
and the folks look ill. My word, they can’t forget that war—
what a war!) They say


and I say, “it’s the same old country, but the people have
changed!”  And they say


and I say,
“Germany, with its splendid castles and fine cuisine? Well,
the car I drive is parked outside—and it’s German-made!”
(They resent that less than people who are German-made.)
Oh no! Bring her home and the folks look ill. My word,
they can’t forget that war. What a war! So they say, again,


and I repeat, “it’s the same old country, but the people have
changed! It has splendid castles
and fine cuisine! Lovely German women! Wonderful rivers
that flow from her hills! It’s the same old country,
but the people have changed!” But they say, over and over,


so I sing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WILj-tnz56s,
minus the commercial.

Posted 06/14/15
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