So can you describe what’s happening? Dancing. It’s not coming apart at the seams? No. Someone is saying that they’re the first anomaly, and they’ve come back to save everyone from the Matrix. But I think it’s just a dude. There’s also a man with no pants, dancing.
Yeah, this guy—Jay—is dancing with me. With no pants. There’s a guy wearing a shirt that says “freedom.” Or “free born”? No, it says “freedom.” Freedom. Freedom. Or “free boy.”
It’s a little early to start spamming. Well, you know? It’s never too early. You have to remember that this is the end for these people, after four years. And for us. And you’re going to dance it away? Yep.
“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I’ve watched sea beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments we lost in time—like tears in rain.” So sad! That’s how the Matrix ends for us.
And here’s the last part: “Time to die.”
Yeah, that’s how it should end.
I’d like to go out hearing a little Russian national anthem. I don’t know that I can make that happen. What, you want me to sing? This is how you want the Matrix to end? I’ll bring my camera. I’ll delete the footage. (It exists!)
I’m hearing some sort of thunder-cracks.
All right, the last four minutes. Then the world ends.
Jump! If you jump at the last minute, you’re okay. Oh gosh. I’m actually kind of scared. Don’t fear the Reaper, Vinny. Fear the Matrix!
We should unplug our Internet before something bad happens. Hackers could get your Social Security Number and your credit card.
You’re running away? You’re going to go die alone in a corner? Yeah. What are you doing? Everyone dies alone. Everyone dies alone. It’s fine. I’m going to go find the tallest building I can. And jump on top of that building. You should Alt+F4 at 11:58. Do it. Don’t let the Matrix win.
He’s trying to get on a building. I’m going! I’m going to get to the tallest building I can. One of those. Can you get up there? I think so. Are you going to be King of the Matrix? Look at that mess of pigeons. That’s the end of the Matrix. Beautiful. Okay, new mission: Can he get there in the next three minutes, or will he die in midair? You know what? Maybe everyone else turns into lizards or something. And you’re going to miss that.
Yeah, I remember that. That was in the fourth movie.
That guy’s going to follow me. He says I can’t die alone. That’s true love! It is. Let’s see, can I get up there? Oh gosh. Made it! Yeah. Yeah! Everybody misses the first time. Can you go higher? Let’s see. Maybe. No. No. I think maybe the building on the left is higher, though.
Hold hands. This is it. This is the end. This is how the Matrix ends. Holding hands with a man in a pink gi. This is it. Watching the sun set. Hold me.
Oh no! What’s going on! We’ve been brought back! (He’s a jealous lover!)
Not like this. Not like this.
Oh my gosh. One minute. OMG. Spam. No question. Oh, hey, look. A new hardline. Sweet! Synchronize. Where are you? That’s our biggest gain yet! OMG. Spam. This is how it ends. This is how it ends. They spam you. Yep. This is it. Where’s Pascal? He didn’t make it. Two minutes. One minute. Because it ends at 11:59. My watch says 11:59. Man, what if they go over by an hour? They say, screw it, you guys just have fun for an hour. “You know what, we could do this. Let’s make those assholes sit around for an hour.”
I don’t think so.
I’m just going to stand here and dance in my weird Matrix speed. That guy’s just sitting on a bench. “I just want to have a nice, quiet end!” I was real excited about that end. But we just got plucked away. We had our moment, there. It was good. There he is! He found us! Find a rooftop! Hurry up! C’mon! Mere seconds! I don’t think I have the time. I’m not going to bother. I’d rather stand here. Sit under your tree. It’s really sad. Here we go. I love you.
You’re starting to kind of bum me out.
Now it’s become the tragic story we always thought it would become. Sorry. You’re going to take that quest? Yeah, last chance to finish up any remaining quests, guys! Going to end it dancing. 11:59. It’s a good way to go out. Go out dancing, baby. Like you came in. It’s a way to go. Yes. Only way to end this. Dancing. Well, thanks again to everyone who’s still here, I guess. We’ll be here until the end. Until whenever they shut it off. Whenever that may actually be. What if it’s tomorrow? Much love. Much love to the Matrix. It’s midnight.
Basically dancing and fighting. It’s midnight now. Happy birthday, Jeff! Congratulations! Another year you made it.
Let’s just throw on some Lady Gaga and get out of here.
This is when it gets awkward. When it doesn’t end.
Then there’s the realization that we could be here for a very long time. Ten more minutes. I say you try to make it to the top of a building. Go out trying. All right. 12:01. 12:02? Did they say 12:10? What’s that? They said 11:59, originally. Yeah, but are there messages? No. No. Somebody’s watch could be slow. It’s 12:01.
All right. Well, this is anticlimactic. You’ve gotten a new lease on life, Ryan. What will you do with your time? Jump on some buildings? A brain-cloud? You want a second opinion?
“Wake up”? “Alert”? Oh, there it is! I don’t want to wake up! Don’t you know what the Matrix is? Oh, people know what that means. Oh. I think it’s over. Yep. Wake up. I’ve been squished to death. I’ve been meat-wadded. Oh. Oh. Where’s Pascal? Oh. This is how it ends. Look at you!
Me, alone on a roof.
There he is! He made it! He made it! Help! Oh, he does love us! Oh, you’re back!
Weird things are happening. This is like The Notebook, Part 2: Two Men in a Gi. I don’t know. He might be done. I think we’re done. Yeah, I think this is just everything dying. Glitching out until the end. You watch everything die. Try and get onto that crane. Hello, world! You’re officially done. Unofficially. But isn’t it great that our last message was from Pascal? “I love you”?
Yeah, you’re done. You can’t even type. Yeah, it looks like there’s no typing left, here. I’m not sure why I’m still moving. It looks like I died and then—gone to Heaven. Gone to Matrix Heaven.
So this is how an MMO dies. With an alert message.
I can’t even jump. Like regular jump. Let alone super-jump.
So you’re saying we can stay on this rooftop as long as we want? Forever? This is ours? With Pascal? Forever?
I can’t engage anyone. I can’t dance. Then it’s over. Then you are truly dead, sir. If you can’t dance, it’s not worth living. God, so true. Yeah, none of my commands seem to be working.
Oh. Oh. Oh. “Your connection to the Matrix has timed out.”
That’s it, folks.
“Not like this.”